“Life as it is”

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This is just a random post, and it's absolutely unimportant :) It's just what I want to do in the future. No big deal, hehe.

I did have thoughts of quitting school, because I find it so tiring to be a studying-robot, and my grades are not excellent. But y'know, doing that will just make me an impulsive failure. Everyone around me is experiencing the same thing, because that's the way Singaporeans are just are. We are not really that bright, it's just the matter whether or not you are hardworking enough to memorise all the craps that you'd probably not going to remember, say, the day after your exams. What, those with GPA 4.0 are all smartypants? Yeah, I guess the word 'clever' is indeed very subjective, but the words 'smart' and 'hardworking', such a contrast :) I kind of sound defensive? But I really find it so tiring to study so much. And from what I've observed, it's not that hard getting into a uni for 'A' levels students, no matter how bad their results are!! How unfair. Okay what's my main focus of this blabberings? My what-to-do-in-the-future-if-i-even-have-a-future.

Dropping out might not be the best option, but I was thinking, di sebalik the bad grades and the almost giving-up, ada hikmahnya. Allah is great. My SIP/MP is not going to be in-house, and it's gonna be done right after 3.2, and BPharm is next semester, which means that the remaining 3 subjects can be done by the end of 3.2! The Almighty has made my life so much easier, and I'm sure he's happy that I'm still going strong. I know I know, it's nothing big, it's just a small challenge that God has given me, that's all.

I was thinking: quit school, work as animal trainer, anywhere just to get the experience and joy, and not just think of it as a 'job'. Working with animals have always been my dream (ok fake, I wanted to be an accountant last time, but I realised that it's just gonna be about work work work and no fun. I also wanted to be in the arts, but I think nah, superficial happiness) Come on, do you really want to to earn money without a smile on your face? _|_ haha! I want to work at Singapore Zoo, I want to work at Night Safari, I want to work at adoption centres, I want to work at neighbouring countries, Idk where else I want to work at, hahah! I just want to be happy.

I do have doubts, whether or not I want to further my education. Contradicting like fuck -_- See whether my grades can make it or not lah.

You know why I'm doubting or not? This is silly lah, but I just want to stay alone for a while away from evverryyboodyy (study at overseas, lol that's what I'm trying to say. And I expect my loved ones to surprise me and visit me!) (of course not away from Hari cause by then we'd get married hahahah) and I want to sleep in a bed with thicckkk bedsheets, looking out at the window with a sad face (cause I miss my family so fucking much) and looking at unfamiliar surroundings. I just want to get the picture right, that's all.

Oh, and I think it's such a stupid ___________. One of the practicals I had was like, 4 happy smiling rabbits that got euthanised (if you don't know, Idk what to say. haha! Inject for the poor thing to die, die you poor little thing, die cause we are evil like that) JUST SO THAT WE FUCKING HUMANS CAN LEARN THE WAYS TO CUT THEIR BODIES UP, SO WE CAN SEE WHAT THE INSIDES LOOK LIKE. I know why we have to learn this, and the importance of this, but no way I'm going to do all that. It's just too sick for me. The importance of it, well, I'll never let anyone touch my dead pets, no matter how mysterious their death can be. Let them rest in peace, and don't question God's actions. You want to act smart now ahhhhhh! No offence, Dr. Jomer, you're different cause you're a cool teacher.

Whoever thinks that cutting up animal is fun, eeeeeee go fuck yourself. or I'd shove a cucumber up your asssssssss then put it into your mouth. And don't eat shark fin soup, please.

Labels: rants, school